


Anniversary

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotions, Fluff, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Mourning, Rewrite, Tooth Rotting Fluff, supportive fiances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 23:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8597308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: A rewrite of Robert and Aaron going to Sarah's grave without all the nonsense going on right now.





	

Robert was already awake when Aaron opened his eyes; rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up slightly to see the man sitting on the edge of the bed, clad only in pyjama bottoms as he stared at the ground. Aaron glanced at the clock and frowned to see it was barely eight o'clock. He knew that Robert hadn't slept much the night before, he'd tossed and turned before climbing from the bed sometime around four. Aaron sat up properly; prompting Robert to turn and fix a smile to his face,  
"Hi."  
Aaron saw through the smile immediately, noting Robert's red eyes and chewed lips. He'd been crying and had clearly made an attempt to hide the fact. Aaron didn't bring it up; he just moved closer to him, pushing a hand up the man's back and pressing a kiss to his shoulder,  
"You okay?"  
Robert nodded,  
"Mhmm."  
Aaron didn't argue his blatant lie and looked at him; pushing a hand through the man's hair and then stroking his cheek,  
"You don't need to hide with me today okay?"  
Robert met his eye for a long moment then nodded. Aaron kissed his shoulder again and moved back,  
"Why don't you jump in the shower? I'll put the coffee on."  
He climbed from the bed and grabbed his jeans from the chair, looking around and biting his lip at the sight of his fiancé still sat on the bed,  
"Hey?"  
Robert looked at him,  
"It's gonna be okay."  
Robert took a breath and stood up slowly,  
"Yeah."  
He rubbed his face,  
"I'll be ten minutes."  
Aaron watched him go and let out a sigh, he knew today was going to be hard on Robert, he wasn't prepared however, to see him that way. He rubbed his nose and pulled his jeans on; reaching for a t-shirt and grabbing his hoodie as he left the room.

"How is he?"  
Aaron shrugged as he pushed the plunger down on the cafetière,  
"He didn't sleep well. At all. And he was crying this morning. Don't let him know I told you though."  
Chas shook her head slightly,  
"Poor lad. I never realised it was still affecting him...It really gets to him doesn't it?"  
Aaron took the pot to the table and set it down,  
"Didn't realise how much. He never talks about her."  
Chas took a sip of her tea,  
"Maybe it's too hard for him. I mean he did watch her die. Who knows what that did to him. Might explain him a bit.”  
Aaron turned to grab the milk,  
"I just wish I knew how to...help him."  
"Help who?"  
They looked up as Liv walked over, dumping her school bag on the floor and sitting heavily in a chair as she grabbed a piece of toast.  
"Nosey."  
Chas smirked at Aaron's comment and looked at him. He sighed and placed the sugar on the table,  
"Robert."  
Liv rolled her eyes,  
"What's his problem now?"  
Aaron frowned,  
"Oi. Zip it for one day yeah?"  
Liv scoffed,  
"Why? He's a pain in my butt most of the time."  
Chas leant over,  
"It's his mum's anniversary today. Of her dying."  
Liv stopped, her face becoming serious as she fiddled with her food,  
"Oh."  
Aaron put a glass of orange juice in front of her,  
"Yeah. 'Oh' so just be nice today, yeah?"  
She looked at him,  
"Fine. Soz."  
He rolled his eyes at her and turned back to the toaster, turning back moments later at the sound of feet on the stairs, he smiled gently as Robert walked in.   
"Alright?"  
Chas looked him up and down,  
"You look nice, love."  
Robert looked at her and gave a small smile,  
"Thanks."  
He sat at the table and checked his phone,  
"You want toast?"  
He glanced over at Aaron,  
"Uh...no. No I don't feel very hungry."  
Liv watched him for a moment then glanced at Chas again as Aaron sat down beside Robert,  
"Have a coffee then yeah? You need something."  
Robert nodded and reached for a mug as Aaron watched him,  
"What time are we heading over there?"  
Robert focused on stirring his coffee then cleared his throat,  
"Meeting Vic at eleven."  
Aaron nodded and poured his own coffee,  
"What are you doing?"  
Robert put his phone back in his pocket and looked at Liv,  
"We're uh...going to my mums grave. Me and Vic-and Adam and Aaron."  
Liv nodded slowly,  
"I'm sorry. 'Bout your mum. That has to suck."  
Robert gave a small smile,  
"Yeah. Kind of does.”  
They fell silent, Aaron watching Robert as he stared into his coffee,  
“How'd she die?”  
Chas nudged Liv as Aaron turned quickly toward her, glaring at her,  
“Liv!”  
Liv stopped,  
“Sorry.”  
Robert sighed,  
“She died in a fire.”  
Liv chewed her lip,  
“Oh…sorry.”  
He looked back down at his coffee as the others carried on with their breakfast. His mind running too quickly for him to catch up to it. He didn't even notice Liv saying goodbye to him until Aaron touched his hand,  
"Hmm?"  
"I was just saying bye."  
He smiled at Liv across the room,  
"Have a good day."  
Aaron smiled at her quickly as she left then turned his attention back to Robert,  
"Can I do anything?"  
Robert looked at him,  
"No...no just...I uh-I need to sort the flowers out."  
Aaron nodded,  
"Okay. Want some company?"  
Robert stood up,  
"No it's fine. It's fine just...I'll meet you back here at quarter to, yeah?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"If you're sure?"  
Robert nodded,  
"I'm sure. I'll see you in a bit."  
Aaron watched him leave then turned back to Chas,  
"See what I mean?"  
Chas sighed,  
"It's to be expected, love."  
She stood up, taking her mug to the sink then heading back to the table; pausing to lean down and kiss Aaron's head,  
"You're doing enough just being there for him today."  
She squeezed his shoulder quickly,  
"I'll see you later."  
"Yeah."  
Aaron looked back at his mug and sighed heavily, draining the last of it and starting the clear up.

Aaron stepped back from him as they got to the grave; Robert placed the flowers before the headstone and spoke to Sarah for a moment, his thumb running over the letters of her name before he stood back up and stepped back beside Victoria. She slipped her hand into Robert's and rest her head against his arm as they took a moment. Aaron glanced at Adam then watched the two siblings as they quietly spoke about their mum. Victoria was the first to go; Aaron taking her place straight away and placing his hand on Robert's back and rubbing slowly,  
"Do you think she'd like the flowers?"  
Aaron looked at him and smiled gently,  
"Of course she would."  
Robert swallowed; shoving his hands into his pockets,  
"You okay?"  
Robert shook his head slightly, his answer no more than a whisper,  
"No. Not really."  
Aaron moved closer, putting his arm around him and kissing his shoulder. Robert let out a breath and sniffed,  
"Love you mum."  
He stepped closer, pulling his hand from his pocket and kissing his fingers before pressing them to the cool stone of the grave. He turned back to Aaron and walked toward him. Aaron couldn't bare it; seeing Robert that way. He stood straighter and put his arms out, Robert moved straight in; accepting the hug readily and wrapping his arms around the man. Aaron rubbed his back and spoke softly,  
"Come on. Let's get out of the village yeah?"  
Robert pulled back,  
"You what?"  
Aaron rubbed his arm,  
"We'll go out for the day, you can tell me about her, I don't know much. Tell me about you as a kid or whatever. Just the two of us. What do you say?"  
Robert sniffed again and shrugged,  
"Sure."  
Aaron smiled gently at him,  
"Come on then."  
He led the way, walking with him from the graveyard and toward the car.

They drove to another village; Aaron figuring Robert wasn't in the mood for large crowds of Hotten or further afield. They found a pub, quiet but nice and headed in. Taking a table in the far corner; Aaron left him to go order drinks, returning to a solemn Robert with two pints of beer and two menus tucked under his arm,  
"Here. You need to eat."  
Robert took the drink from him,   
"Cheers."  
Aaron sat opposite him and watched him for a moment, trying to remember how Robert had been on that day in the previous years before they were together. Wondering if he had always been so quiet, so different to his usual self. Aaron reached out and covered Robert's hand with his own,  
"Hey?"  
Robert met his eye,  
"You can talk to me."  
Robert nodded and looked down at his pint. Aaron stroked his thumb against his hand a few times then pulled away, deciding to wait for him to open up in his own time. He moved the menu toward Robert and took a sip of his beer before sitting back and waiting.

Robert pushed the plate aside and drained his glass,  
"You want another?"  
Aaron swallowed his mouthful,  
"Gotta drive haven't I?"  
Robert shrugged,  
"Want a coke?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"Sure."  
Robert got up and headed to the bar, throwing a glance back to Aaron as he waited for service. He chewed his lip thoughtfully, starting slightly when the woman came to take his order. He carried the drinks back, pausing for a second before placing them on the table and sitting back down,  
"Alright?"  
Robert took a breath and wet his lips,  
"I miss her."  
Aaron sat back, his face softening,  
"Of course you do."  
Robert shrugged,  
"I thought it would get easier over time, and it did, for a bit. But I miss her. A lot more lately."  
Aaron frowned,  
"More lately?"  
Robert sighed,  
"She would've loved you."  
Aaron smiled gently,  
"Yeah?"  
Robert sat back,  
"Yeah she would've...had you round...cooked a massive family dinner and embarrassed the hell out of me- asking you all sorts of questions and getting the baby pictures out."  
He smiled to himself and met Aaron's eye,  
"She would've been happy for us."  
Aaron wanted to reach out and hug the man, choosing instead to cover his hand with his own again,  
"I wanted to go with her you know?"  
Aaron tilted his head slightly and Robert looked down,  
"When her and dad split, I wanted to go with her. More than anything I just wanted to stay with my mum."  
Aaron swallowed,  
"So why didn't you?"  
Robert clenched his jaw and then met Aaron's eye,  
"Dad wouldn't let me. I was his. Not hers."  
He shrugged again,  
"Maybe if he'd let me everything would be different. He wouldn't have cared, he had his son in Andy."  
Aaron squeezed Robert's hand as he carried on,  
"Maybe if he'd let me I would've been able to...to deal better. She always understood me. Always told me I was who I was meant to be."  
He chewed his lip for a moment,  
"If I'd been with her then I wouldn't have...blocked everything out. Wouldn't have lied about who I was for so long."  
He let out a long breath,  
"I miss her."  
Aaron stroked Robert's skin softly,  
"She sounds like a brilliant Mum."  
Robert smiled; the first genuine smile he'd had that day,  
"She was. She was amazing."  
He looked down at their hands and swallowed hard,  
"I don't talk about her...Vic barely remembers her, Andy won't talk about her. So I just...lock her away."  
He let out a shaky breath,  
"I don't wanna forget her...I'm scared sometimes that I will. That I'll forget her voice, or the...the colour of her eyes. How she smelt. And I hate it."  
He shifted in his seat; clenching his jaw to keep his emotions intact before looking at Aaron seriously,  
"Don't get me wrong, Diane is great and I love her to pieces. She's been a great mum to-to Vic and to Andy as well..."  
Aaron chose his words carefully,  
"But you don't see her as your mum?"  
Robert shook his head,  
"No she uh..."  
He sighed,  
"Look, I'm under no illusions here, I know she prefers them. And it's fine. I've made my peace with that. She's great."  
Aaron squeezed his hand quickly,  
"She loves you. It's just cos she wasn't there when you were a kid."  
Robert shook his head again,  
"No. No she came in when I was grown. I wasn't a little kid anymore. Not like Vic. It was easier for her. And for Andy I guess. He just slipped into it. The role of the perfect son. Again."  
He chewed his lip for a moment; his jaw clenching rhythmically as he tried to keep going,  
"Mum was mine. She was mine for longer than she was anyone else's. And I was hers. Just 'cos it wasn't blood doesn't mean I wasn't hers. And she didn't uh...she didn't get to know me. Who I really am. I don't think she did anyway. She never said. I never got to tell her. It wasn't like your family, all supportive. I had her. And I know that if she'd been the one to walk in that day that it would've been okay. I have to believe it would've been okay."  
He shrugged,  
"She went before I had a chance to figure it all out I guess."  
He met Aaron's eye again,  
"But she really would've loved you."  
His smile faltered for a second; he covered it quickly by taking his hand from under Aaron's and reaching for his glass. Aaron felt his own eyes burn and he cleared his throat,  
"Hey?"  
Robert looked at him and Aaron leant in toward him,  
"You can talk to me about her. Whenever you want, okay? You don't need to...bottle it up. I'm here."  
Robert gave a small smile and Aaron immediately leant across the table and pressed a kiss to his lips. He pulled back slowly and smiled at Robert who was looking at him in surprise,  
"We're in public."  
Aaron sat back and shrugged,  
"I know. Just thought you needed it."  
Robert breathed out a laugh,  
"Yeah. I did. Thanks."  
Aaron picked up his drink,  
"It was just a kiss."  
"No I mean-"  
"I know."  
Robert smiled again and looked down as Aaron watched him,  
"Rob?"  
He glanced up again,  
"Yeah?"  
Aaron shrugged slightly,  
"You won't forget her. Not really. She's your mum, she'll always be your mum. And she'd be proud you know? Of you. Of who up are now."  
He smiled at the man,  
"Just like I am."  
Robert stared at him for a long moment and slowly smiled,  
"Yeah?"  
Aaron shrugged again,  
"Course."  
Robert looked down and cleared his throat,  
"So..."  
Aaron smirked and picked his drink up again,  
"So."  
Robert glanced at him once more,  
"You want pudding?"  
Aaron smiled at him and took a sip of drink before relaxing back into his seat.

"Do you wanna go straight home or do you wanna go for a walk?"  
Robert glanced over at him,  
"I don't mind."  
They walked slowly back toward the car; Robert suddenly grabbing him and stopping them,  
"Aaron?"  
Aaron looked around at him,  
"Yeah?"  
Robert gripped Aaron's jacket,  
"Thank you. For today. I haven't been able to...I never shared stuff with anyone about her. Not really. I never did with Chrissie she never asked. Everyone thinks I'm over it and I am...I am I don't blame anyone, I'm not angry. It's not as...raw as it is with my dad. I just keep it locked up because that's what I know to do to deal with it."  
He took a breath,  
"It was-it felt good. To get it out. I know it wasn't exactly your idea of a good time so...thanks for putting up with my...mood."  
Aaron stared at him, unable to quite believe what he was hearing,  
"Robert...you're my partner. The man I'm spending the rest of my life with. It doesn't matter what my opinion on the days activities are, you needed me. All that time you were there for me during the Gordon stuff. You never once walked away, even if begged you to. Now I'm going to do the same. Oi?"  
He stepped closer, cupping the back of Robert's neck,  
"I love you. And that means I'm gonna be here, when you need, for however long you need. I mean she's your mum, she's a part of you. And I'm here...for you. Okay?"  
Robert nodded,  
"Yeah. Sorry."  
Aaron clicked his tongue and pulled him in to a hug,  
"You soft lad."  
Robert gripped him tightly; burying his face into Aaron's neck and squeezing his eyes shut.  
"You okay?"  
Robert nodded quickly,  
"Yeah. Yeah I'm okay."  
Aaron pulled away and looked at him,  
"Yeah?"  
Robert nodded,  
"Yeah. How 'bout that walk before we head back?"  
Aaron smiled,  
"Come on. I know a good place."  
Robert frowned,  
"We're driving to walk?"  
Aaron flashed him a grin,  
"Get in."  
Robert rubbed the back of his neck and smiled before following Aaron in to the car. 

They'd been sitting in a comfortable silent for nearly five minutes; having found a bench near the lake where they decided to sit for a while. Aaron stole glances at Robert as he stared out at the water, not wanting to push him to talk but acutely aware that he hadn't. He looked down at his hands then glanced back to Robert again,  
"What's on your mind?"  
Robert blinked and inhaled deeply,  
"Christmas."  
Aaron frowned,  
"Christmas?"  
Robert smirked and sat slightly straighter,  
"Yeah. Mum loved Christmas. When I was really small she would uh...she'd let me stay up and put all the stuff out for Santa, mince pies and all that. And then...then in the morning I'd come down and they'd be gone, just crumbs on the plate you know? And there would be a note. From the man himself. Written by her of course but...I believed it was him for a long time."  
He looked at Aaron and then down, shaking his head,  
"Stupid I know."  
Aaron nudged his arm,  
"It's not stupid."  
Robert sighed and sat back; shoving his hands in his pockets,  
"It's been sixteen years this year. A lifetime. Vic was so small...she's grown up now. I've grown up. Diane did a good job with them."  
He looked out at the water, silent for a minute. He opened his mouth then changed his mind and closed it,  
"What? Come on talk to me?"  
He thought for a moment before opening his mouth again,  
"Sometimes I look at you and Chas and I'm jealous."  
He glanced over at Aaron who was watching him In surprise and shrugged,  
"You two have this...amazing relationship and I missed that. The family you have...it's what I wanted."  
Aaron sat back,  
"Yeah we have one now. It took a hell of a long time though. You and Sarah had years of a great relationship."  
Robert looked out at the water again,  
"Doesn't stop it though."  
Aaron touched his arm,  
"Hey?"  
He looked at him and Aaron gave a small smile,  
"You have a family. We are your family. You me and Liv are family. A team. And mum and-and everyone else. You're family. Forever. You got that?"  
Robert looked at him and Aaron raised his eyebrows,  
"Oi? You're family. I know it doesn't bring her back or take the-the pain away but you're not alone. You have a family that loves you. I love you. Okay?"  
It was Robert that leant in and kissed him, cupping the back of his neck as he pressed quick, small kisses to his lips the pressed their foreheads together,  
"I love you."  
Aaron closed his eyes, pushing his fingers through Robert's hair and letting them rest at the back of his neck; playing with the fine hairs at the base of his head,  
"I'm sorry you lost her. I'm sorry you didn't have her when you needed her. But you don't have to do this on your own anymore. I promise."  
Robert swallowed hard and pulled back to look at Aaron; a shaky smile on his face,  
"How did I end up with someone like you eh?"  
Aaron smirked,  
"I have low standards."  
Robert laughed and sat back, leaning against Aaron and letting out a sigh,  
"Thank you for today."  
Aaron turned his head to rest his cheek on Robert's,  
"No problem."  
Robert edged slightly closer to him,  
"Can we stay here a bit before heading back?"  
Aaron smiled to himself,  
"Take as long as you need."  
Robert stay up straighter and shifted on the bench before looking out at the water again.

Chas smiled softly at them as they came in, the pub was fairly quiet, Aaron was grateful for that. They headed to the bar and took a seat,  
"Hiya boys."  
She looked at Robert and leant a bit closer,  
"How you doing, Robert?"  
He gave a tired smile,  
"Better than I was, thanks."  
She rubbed his arm and turned to pour them their drinks, placing them in front of them and grabbing her cup of tea she had on the side,  
"You two were gone a long time."  
Aaron shifted on the seat,  
"Yeah we got out the village for a bit."  
He looked at Robert, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder,  
"Did some good didn't it?"  
Robert smiled gratefully at him,  
"Yeah it did."  
Chas stood straight and lifted her mug,  
"Here. To Sarah."  
Robert and Aaron picked up their drinks and raised them,  
"To Sarah."  
"To mum."  
They took a sip as Chas rubbed Robert's arm again and turned to serve someone else. Aaron nudged Robert's arm,  
"You wanna go in the back? Stick a film on or something?"  
He nodded,  
"Sure."  
Aaron led them from the bar out into the back,  
"Oh, Robert?"  
He turned at Chas's voice and she handed him an envelope,  
"Diane dropped it off earlier, she found it in some stuff in the loft."  
"Oh, thanks."  
He took it and followed Aaron into the room; placing his beer on the table and opening it to find three photos. He pulled them out and let out a breathy laugh,  
"What?"  
Robert looked down at the image, him as a small boy of around of around six sitting on the floor with Sarah, looking at each other and smiling. The next photo was him slightly older; Sarah wrapping her arms around him as he grinned, showing off a gap toothed smile. The last was on a birthday, he was grinning at the camera with a present in his hands as he sat on Sarah's lap. He ran his thumb gently over the woman's face and looked at Aaron,  
"Here."  
He handed him the photos and got his phone out to send a thank you text to Diane. Aaron smiled at the photos and then handed them back.   
"You were cute. What happened?"  
Robert laughed sarcastically and put the photos back in the envelope,  
"Hilarious."  
Aaron grinned and put the TV on,  
"Where's Liv?"  
Aaron shrugged,  
"Upstairs probably."  
Robert nodded, putting the envelope on the table and grabbing his pint to join Aaron on the sofa,  
"Want me to get her?"  
"In a bit."  
He relaxed in to the seat and smiled,  
"Be good to have a night in as a family."  
Aaron leant over and kissed his head, smiling as they watched the show on the television. Robert looked over at Aaron and smiled at him; reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers as he felt himself finally relax.


End file.
